A Life Lesson from Losing My Father

Unfortunately, I have lost my father on February 1st 2021. Unfortunately, a food congested his throat despite all emergency actions taken and hospitalized immediately which there is a hospital right in front of where he lives. Although he had some health issues, he was genetically strong, he was able to manage everything by himself and he even recovered from COVID-19.

Me and my family will always have his grief. Hopefully we will overcome the pain by time. There are things in life that you can not express by words and you will experience it when you go through. Things like marriage, children and loss of beloved ones are unique to everyone and cannot be described by words from my point of view.

Beyond his ups and downs, right doings, wrong doings, mistakes, correctness he was my hero like most fathers are heroes of their children. He has been great father, a mentor, a best friend, a guiding hand and super hero always supporting us.

He was an obstetrician/gynecologist who helped many people to start life journey including myself. He came from poverty and lost his father early. He did overcome many difficulties in his life and thanks to him that me and my brother had decent childhood. He was the one brought PC with 80286 Intel Processor and after seeing my interest in computers he got me a private teacher which I learnt DOS and so on when I was primary school. This is obviously a turning point of my life which I came out as a son of my parents.

Unfortunately, losing my father is more difficult for my mother. She married to my father when she was 19 and they have been together since then. She told me that she has seen everything with him and he take very good care of her. She had been in boarding school during her high school away from her parents. We (me and my brother) were away during high school and later years but visiting them as often as possible. She has been always with him and he passed away on her arms. Therefore, her grief is much more. My mother says she remembers all the good things like travels, journeys and so on. However, she states that she is grateful to be always with him even the times that they had disagreements, arguments with each other and other difficult things that they have gone through. I still remember that my mom took care of my father with a great effort when they were both recovering COVID-19 that I believe no one else can took care of him like her.

Their marriage was not the perfect one they had lots of arguments, disagreements, disappointments, ups and downs. I guess they were right to each other because of compassion and affection to each other. I do not want to use the word love which become meaningless from my point of you.

Rumi quotes “You know what love is? It is all kindness, generosity. Disharmony prevails when You confuse lust with love, while the distance between the two Is endless.”

The reason I think this way is because what makes the bond stronger is to be able to overcome differences, difficulties and challenges that they have gone through. It is not that they have had always same interests, goals or agreed with each other. They knew how to had good times, overcome challenges and difficult times. There were times that they even had both hearths broken to each other. However, they knew how to get back to each other and I guess they knew not to break each other to a point where there is no turning back.

Being a son of my father and my parents reminds me a quote from Warren Buffet:
“There have been two turning points in my life: One when I came out of the womb and one when I met my wife”

I would like to take this occasion and this day to thank my wife for her support and effort. I am very grateful for her. My father initially did not support our marriage I guess part of it was also my fault. But later they became very good friend and gossiping about me when I am not around. She has been treating him as a physical therapist. I really respect, appreciate and thank my wife for her effort to win back my father heart, treatment and support.

It is very important to be surrounded with the people that actually do love you so you can spend good times and difficult times together with whether they are friends, relatives and so on. I guess me and my family get used to spend times with people. Thanks to my parents that since from childhood my family, relatives, friends and so on get used to travel together, enjoy and spend time together in good and difficult times. In fact, they have been all living in the same area and together most of time. Of course, it has its advantages and disadvantages and sometimes it is even funny. For example, no body keeps a secret. They all promise to each other not to tell anyone the secret but from the moment if you tell something it is already known with in this circle. Sometimes it is faster than the internet may be close to a light speed. As human beings we are social creatures and it is really helpful to be surrounded with people that are really there to share your sorrow and grief and not let you be alone. Since my father passed away thanks to all the people reaching us and also to relatives that are here with us. As I said my father was obstetrician/gynecologist and he was the only one for a while in the town in the past. He was very hard-working men and was with his patients no matter what and did not matter what time was. He was delivering babies and supporting ones who cannot afford delivering. There were people that he cannot get along with and there were people that were very close later they got angry and not talk to each other. It does not matter who is right or wrong. We should be able to look beyond.

We all have our differences and opinions. However, word of mouth and actions are all matters. It is more important how we say the things then what and why we say it. It is very important to not the heartbreak and be at the point where there is no turning back. It is better to associate each other to be better then whoever we are and be more meaningful and kinder.

This reminds me a quote from Carl Sagan, Pale Blue Dot. “There is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another, and to preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we’ve ever known.”

In 2018 I have left my job at UN at NY, USA by taking risk after discussing it with my wife in the morning of the day I resign. My parents and my wife parents live at the same hometown. The main reason was to be able to move closer to parents and be able to visit them often. Therefore, they will be able to spend more time with their grandchildren. Now looking back to this was one of the best decisions I have ever made. It gave me opportunity to be able to spend more time with my father. Everyone was surprised and were also happy with this decision from parents, relatives and friends from my hometown. I guess I was able to do so because I knew I could be in certain life standard due to my father’s accomplishments and his support. Like I knew I did not have to think about rent and so on. We live in a town where it is nearby an international airport and it was easier for me to travel back to my hometown from Europe in case if I have to work in Europe. Initially I spend some time with parents and then moved to Europe. I have bought a mobility scooter with my brother for my father because he was having difficulties with walking. We bought the best and I guess most expensive electric scooter available in the market. I guess this was also one of the best decisions I have ever made. He was very happy like a child. It made us happy that he was able to use it and drive around like a kid.

This reminds me a quote from Steve Jobs “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backward. So, you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever.”

At my father’s peak time I guess he could be considered rich by the standards of our hometown. Me and my family remember those times. I guess during that time he purchased his and our burial plots at the city cemetery. It is around that time he distributed his title deeds of the family estates. I still remember his advises on focusing on building wealth for the good and difficult times by doing what you love to do for the beloved ones and assisting for the ones in need and who deserves. He told me that he did not want us to spend time on some paper works and no one is going to take anything when they are gone. He insisted on having a decent life standard instead of being rich to build a wealth that is sustainable for the beloved ones and for the ones in need and deserves it. We had conversation about what is a decent life and how do you determine the ones in need and deserve.

Often, we conclude with Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs as a great influence to answer these questions.

The day is done, time has come
You battled hard, the war is won
You did your worst, you tried your best
Now it’s time to rest
Now it’s time to rest

See the fire in your eyes
See the fire in your eyes
See the fire in your eyes
See the fire in your eyes

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I am passionate about Technology, Cloud Computing, Machine Learning and Blockchain

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